la vie #2

It is an inclement Wednesday and, after a questionable driving lesson, I have holed myself up in my room to write and read, before meeting my mum in town and venturing out to work.
Life has been so good lately, I have felt uncharacteristically positive the past 2 or so weeks, and even found myself thinking "this feels so right". I am sort of terrified of slipping into the doldrums of anxiety again  but a) I know it'll both come and pass and b) I need to learn to treasure these moments, and have some idea of what made them so positive (i.e. being busy)

Last weekend I ventured to London to see both family (which was a little overwhelmed with "so what are you doing in your gap year?" questions, which I hate) and meet Dalal and Libby. The friday consisted of rapidly changing plans due to terrorist threats, shoreditch pubs, expensive, and disgusting, cocktails, chatter, laughs, feeling at ease and almond croissants. We also got very lost trying to find the station. Saturday, with Dalal, was filled with a 10k tour of London (on foot), pizza, sunsets on primrose hill, peng photo opportunities and questionable bus journeys. With both, I had a blast and left feeling so full of life and excitement and a desire to run from the past, as what I had created now felt so right. It felt like I'd known them both for years and I suppose that is the magic of this online world. I also began to realise that, whilst I have undoubtedly drifted from my school friends, there are so many other opportunities for friendship and adventure. For making my weekend so enjoyable and making this god damn gap year feel like the right thing, I am grateful to them both (ew cringe) and hope we can recreate soon.
Its just a feckin' shame I live so far away.
I purchased a film camera prior to the trip to London and am so excited to get them developed and share.

Oh shit, I knew there was so much to update. The weekend before London I went to Manchester with my good friend who's at uni here. We visited 2 friends who are at uni in Manchester, and another close friend surprised us by coming too. We had a blast of a weekend, filled with nausea-inducing coaches, a disgusting buffet, christmas markets, vodka cokes, a hilarious night out, drunken mistakes, exploration and endless gossip. It was so homely and warm to all be together, even in a different city, and I returned both exhausted and content.

And next weekend, after some serious DRAMA I am staying at home and greatly anticipating a night out in Newc before a long week in Oxford, contending with an interview, for which I am petrified. I am hoping to survive the trauma with a knowledge that their judgement does not define my worth and a copious number of beta blockers–because I actually want to be able to think straight?! I suppose its simply an opportunity to discuss my beloved subject in a beautiful city, and hopefully see my good pal who lives there. And get some banging pics.
And then I suppose Christmas will be upon us, for which I am getting excited with mince pie and christmas cake making and decoration exploration. I am looking forward to actually having time to feel festive this year.
Yesterday I went to my old school for a mock interview which was both unhelpful and strange, strange to see the world continuing without my place in it, and strange to experience the ease I felt. I spoke to a girl in my year who said she had hardly seen anyone from school, and I thought how odd it was that this tight knit world has so easily fallen apart. And today I received a lovely email from my favourite teacher at school and it made me miss him and the lessons and the community but I am also moving on to bigger and better things, which is exciting (and terrifying).
So yes, wow things feel busy. But good busy. I love being busy. Look out for my film photos, which I will post on here once the role is used up, and another A-level advice guide (focussed on History and English) to keep you all motivated.
And all please cross your fingers and toes for my oxford interview, not because my heart is set on it (Durham is, imo, just as desirable) but because its a scary thing and I feel like my knowledge is being TESTED TO THE MAX. Ok I now need to prepare, rather than procrastinate.