golden friends

here's some pic of a really fuckin' nice week I had with one of my bffs. They are quite irrelevant to the words, but be assured the 4 days were spent eating, drinking, swimming, chatting, reading, doing impossible crosswords, stupid quizzes (our favourite entertainment), drinking coffee and lying in the sun. Bliss, if you ask me.
Also, the pics are either mine or Libby's. I can't distinguish between the two, other than Libby's are probably better. Check out her blog.

this was t-h-e most beautiful place I have ever swam. Ever.

But really, I wanted to talk 'bout friendship. Something I am both stressed and blessed by. I worry a lot about friendship, I'd say its a pretty top tier worry. It's not really something people talk about, if you have a lot of friends you're succeeding and showing it, if you don't your failing and also showing it. Its one massive, lonely, ambiguous taboo.
What even constitutes as 'a lot of friends'?? In an episode of HighLow they said, apparently scientifically, you can't have more than 4 or 5 friends. Now, I dispute this. How can something so subjective be empirically proven? You have so many different friends, for different reasons, in different places.
But friendship always feels like something you have to show you have. And something that is always compared, in my head at least.
I have some fucking brilliant friends. I mean ace. I am utterly blessed, but I still worry about it. Do they like me? Do they like spending time with me? Do I have enough? All unbelievably futile questions, worthless. I'd hope if I didn't like someone, didn't enjoy spending time with them, didn't feel enriched by them, I'd be proactive enough to just not. But I still question it, and compare myself to their other friends. It's very self-destructive.

But here are some things I adore about my friends. They need some appreciation.
I love my friends who make my laugh, let me cry and complain, who are the antithesis of my stress, but tell me they love me for it. I adore my friends who debate with me over pasta, advise me and tell me where I've gone wrong. I love my friends who play cards with me, read with me, who are just present in every capacity, and whose presence feels so nice. To whom I can tell any thought, at any time. I adore friends who respond to my declaration of a random 3 hours in their city, and for whom that time is never enough. Friends who spend days in the pub and on the beach, and suggest last minute trips; who buy you cereal bars when you're sad, send you postcards, and allow you to soothe their pain. Who listen to you, give you space to talk and space to think. Friends who do friendship quizzes (i'm telling you, do it!), who celebrate achievements, encourage you to think differently, act differently, and be unapologetically yourself.

Lying in the Portuguese sun, after a stressful and somewhat un-fruitful trip to a supermarket, Libby asked which friend I'd want in my life forever. And it's impossible to say. I feel almost full from all their different offerings and warmth, I don't want to lose any part of it. Any part of me.
Wow this is cringe and uncharacteristically sentimental, but necessary. I am currently navigating that odd liminal space between home and uni, between these friends and those friends. Its strange but a happy reminder of how much I love both.
So, I hope you enjoyed the pictures at least. A lot of love to Libby, in whose presence I always feel most myself and with whom my summer ended in a golden peace.