the fire

"Here is a pen, I say. Use them. Write me how it feels"

If your house was on fire, and you had 5 seconds to grab one item, what would it be?


I'd reach my hand under my mattress
and pull out this
my heart and fears and tears and thoughts bled onto the pages of this invaluable notebook.
The leaves of this physicalised copy of my mind provided solace when the rest of the world felt too harsh to let in.
It explores a journey, from my darkest moments to my happiest to my bravest and, as personified objects go, it perhaps knows me better than I know myself.
Tonight, I indented the final page with the lyrics of my mind and turning the cover felt like closure.
A door on the past year of my life.
And now it lies, in the safest place, close to my dreams and rest, as a reminder of survival.

Writing is such a magic form of therapy.
It makes sense of thoughts intangible to the human mind.
It reduces fears to simple letters on a page.
It offers a reminder of the days when it all felt right.
And the days when it didn't.
It offers an opportunity to reflect and hope and connect and explore.

I sometimes wonder what would happen if, in a century this pointless collection of notes was found; what would be discerned of my life? What would they think? What would have happened to me? What could it tell them about life in 2018? What would have changed?

As I turned the leaves of my crisp new book, I knew it was right. I knew this haven of safety was my closest companion.

And so, as the burning flames inhaled the bricks and mortar of my safety, I wouldn't hesitate to save this paper copy of me.

What would you save in a fire?

14 comments

  1. SAME. I think you just described my journal so perfectly. As I started getting more into journals I started to realize how important they are as a tool of self reflection. Your words are so beautiful in this. <3 I am really enjoying your blog and I am glad I followed it!

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    1. I find myself writing pages and pages on an almost daily basis...thank you so much!!!

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  2. I wouldn't know what I would grab. Either my phone which has all my thoughts written in the notes section or a plastic wallet I have full of letters, postcards, plane tickets and my journal- basically a sentimental mess. I would say that the thing I would save is not actually in my home but elsewhere, the letters I send you are essentially what I would write in my journal. Only I send them off hundreds of miles north because I'm too scared to keep them at home with me. I like the idea of writing down everything that is happening with me and quite literally sending it away and waiting for a comforting response to land a few days later. So I guess I don't really have a definite answer (as usual) but more of a semantic circle thing of the types of object I would like to save if that makes any sense. probably doesn't.

    Dalal // monochromedaisies.blogspot.com

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    1. okay lets be real, I'd probably first grab my laptop because cmon?! yesss there is something SO therapeutic about getting all your thoughts onto paper and never having to see it ever again, or remember what you've blabbed on about (as you'll probably figure in my most recent letter lol) I totally agree with the sentimental objects, they're the things you can never replace. I'll be sure to grab your letters on my rush out the burning furnace haha

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  3. I rarely write in my diary anymore, like I'll write in it briefly but then I end up doing everything on my laptop- but I've always preferred diary writing, just have had my family members read it one too many times to be able to trust it. I'd like to get back into diary writing though, it's much more therapeutic than typing. After reading this I've decided I definitely need to get back into writing more as opposed to typing, but sometimes I feel typing is better because my hand can't keep with my thoughts but I can type fast then when I try to write fast my writing becomes a big ol blur. But diary writing is much more sentimental. I liked this post a lot, I like the way you write. Where is this notebook from, I like it a lot

    constantlylibby,blogspot.co.uk

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    1. I have so many different forms of diary for so many different things I guess they all have different purposes??? I don't think anyone in my family is invested in my life enough to bother reading it hahaha they also know I'm already a catastrophier and emotional mess... The note book is from paper chase!! literally 3 for £5 and thank u dude x

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  4. okay, you are such a beautiful writer!! this post was so good and made me feel so sentimental about a journal i don't have. i always tell myself to go out and get one because i know it'd be good for my messy crazy thoughts, but i don't know why i never actually do. i guess im scared of it not being perfect. you're description of yours though made me realize that it doesn't necessarily have to be because we aren't exactly perfect either

    a fucking look

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    1. oh gurl, mine is so far from perfect it is literally the physicalised version of "bleurgh", I just throw all my thoughts at it then hide it away–but oh does my head feel clearer after. Definitely go out and get one!!!
      (also thank you!!!)

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  5. Writing is such a form of therapy and diaries and journals are so valuable. Your writing is so beautiful and it really captures the beauty of having a safe space to write thoughts.
    It makes me really want to go out and get a journal :(
    http://sputniksweetheartn.blogspot.com.au/

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    1. Ah thank you, you definitely should x

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  6. Katiee your writing is so beautiful, you capture something about how therapeutic writing is and how important it iss! I have about four leather diaries from the course of four years. I wrote in them when I was going through a really difficult time so I hate to look through them, but they are a reminder for me that everything passes and writing was a great help to me.
    I hope you're well!! I'm sorry I haven't commented in ages, I've been reading but I just have no time at the moment:/ I hope things are all ok on your gap year, I know it's so hard when there are these expectations of what you're supposed to do. I do think it's so important just to let it be, I always find I want to do so much but it ends up being impossible. By the time uni comes around, you'll most likely feel ready to go and begin the next chapter; it will be soo exciting to follow you on the next journey. lots of love xxx

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    1. Even if you don't read them, its so nice to know its there, hidden away as a reminder of survival. I hope you're doing well too my love, sounds like you're super busy (which is always a good thing). Oh, I know–my list of 'gap year goals' is so long and not even half will be completed! But that's okay because new things have come up and things have changed! Honestly, I love sharing the madness of everything because its offered so many friends and so much support–so thank you!!! Sending lots of love your way xx

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  7. You're such a beautiful writer Katie! I would save a film photo of me and my mum that I just adore, one of my most treasured books (it's hard to think of what it would be on the spot though) and I would probably try and save a few more photos. I hope this half of the year brings you a whole bunch of memories and from your Twitter it seems like your gap year is allowing you to fulfill some pretty cool creative pursuits. So so excited to see where your blog is heading this year, it truly is something special xx

    eleanorclaudie.com

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    1. Isn't it so hard to decide on one item?! Ahh such kind words, thank you Eleanor xx

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Katie