Finding peace

Expectations create disappointment.
This is a phrase that I begrudgingly felt sort of defined my summer, through lack of planning, time, people, motivation, I reached August 7th feeling little content at the fulfillment of my 12 week holiday that was deemed to be the "best 12 weeks of my life".

It, along with a fear of Winter, Exam Results, growing up and expectations, had been getting me down for a while, feeling as though I had wasted my last chance at complete freedom and just hadn't made the most out of it.
I then found myself on the top of a hill in the wilderness of Northumberland with my closest friends as the sun melted away behind the expanse of rolling fields and my mind silenced.
It was after a weekend spent camping, eight 16 year-olds left to our own devices, doing things we all loved, getting 'back to basics'; collecting, firewood, walking, listening to music, chatting, laughing, eating barely-cooked food, taking photos. The boys had gone home and just the 4 girls remained.
We sat as the sun disappeared knowing that our two other friends were making a fire and cooking us supper because they knew how much we wanted to see the sun set.
"I feel so at peace" Hannah said to me.
And I realised that, in that moment, despite the irrationality that gnaws away at me daily, there was no where else in the world I would rather be.
I learned the importance of friendship; people who know you inside out, cook for you because they want you to see a sunset, lie in a cold tent until too late discussing our futility and don't care if you haven't showered in 4 days.
I also learned the importance of getting away, escaping the city, slowing the pace of life, living outdoors because I truly believe that is where we belong.
And finally, I learned the necessity of finding peace, with yourself and your surroundings. That the uncompromising hatred and pressure one places on themselves is destroying; that to live in the moment is the greatest place to be.
I, less than 2 days after returning, no longer adopt this golden peace but at least I know where to find it.
Where do you find peace?
Katie x

Currently: Listening: Glass Animals--Noah and the Whale--having a bit of a Hozier throwback (to last year haha)//Reading: The Picture of Dorian Gray--The Storied Life Of A.J Fikry//Loving: Going to the park in the evening//Lusting: Some new clothes// Wishing: The summer would never end

6 comments

  1. The fear of growing up has been bugging me so much recently! Next month I turn 15 and I literally just want to go back to being a little kid!
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.com/

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    1. I am the same, I recently turned 16 and it feels like my childhood has ended and it's terrifying-15 is a great age, I wish I was 15 again :) xx

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  2. This is lovely post! I am very nervous for my results and starting college in September. I don't think I have wasted my summer, because I have really been able to work hard on my blog and really seen it grow beyond what I could of imagined. Even though its been thoroughly enjoyable I haven't rested at all. I went on holiday straight after I finished school and for the rest of the weeks I have been working. I definitely haven't found peace yet or gone back to basics like you have, and I wish I could but sometimes I get so caught up in life that I never manage to take time out for myself.

    http://thriftyvintagefashion.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Your summer sounds fantastic-But I know what you mean about being busy as t feels like you almost haven't had a holiday!
      I hope your results go okay!
      I think one finds peace sometimes in the most unusual places :) xx

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  3. I feel the exact same, I turn 17 in a few months and I still feel like I only recently turned 16, its scary how time flies. Lovely post.

    Olivia // BLONDE LA MODE

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    1. I'm glad someone knows how I feel-its scary. Thank you :)x

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Katie