25/10/16

In all honesty, this is all I really have to show for the past few days.
I am feeling empty.
I see little relief on the horizon, I am trying to remind myself that it always gets better but something in my bones tells me it won't.
Its getting dark early and when I think too much about the blackness outside, I feel a tightening claustrophobia, contributing to my already tight chest.
The past few weeks have been hard but also enjoyable, I am finding my head cloudy so its hard to reflect but I've spent a lot of drunk hours dancing and I think thats a good way to be.
Its half term (not at school) which I find embarrassingly terrifying, partly because I find it difficult to motivate myself when I am not at school but also because the stresses of summer come back. I feel a failure for not having full days but unable to give myself the break this week is intended for. I am desperate to find the relaxation and enjoyment in time off school but I find it stressful and uncomfortable.
I have topics I want to talk about on here but am unable to find the words to express my thoughts.
But, on Friday I am going  to London to see a real good friend and am meeting my pen-pal for the first time, we are going to a Halloween party which should be fun/terrifying/exhausting-but really, I am excited.
There is positivity, so much of it, sometimes it just needs unearthing.
Anyway, enjoy the collage-it was therapeutically made on Powerpoint, stylish.