sexism: the everyday, intersectionality and some questions

(dis is long)

This post began as a project to document the recognisable moments of casual sexism I came across in a week. As I began to think about the actions, their effect and my response, my brain started to hurt with conflicting questions and ideas about feminism. So, instead of slating (perhaps harmful, perhaps not) cases of daily sexism this is just some of the thoughts and questions I came up with.
I have had so many arguments about whether gender inequality still exists and have been accused, so many times, of ignoring the real problems in society. I did silence this one voice when I retorted that just the night before I had been groped by a stranger in a club as I was leaving. I suppose this isn't casual sexism, but its neither a surprise nor an irregular occurrence. Feminist remains an insult ("ugh, you're a feminist") and patriarchal values do remain engrained into our society.

In my original 'project', these were the cases of everyday sexism I came across (which initially angered me profusely)

1. Strength. Being told "not to lift heavy boxes", "tell" other male volunteers "what  I need", that I "can't carry that" and having my hands forcibly prised off heavy items and pushed away whilst being told "you shouldn't", despite managing with ease for the 8 months before they joined. Its embarrassing, especially when you try and confront it, and makes me eel inferior, incapable and weak (adjectives that can be synonymous with femininity)

2. Royal Wedding coverage. The BBC obsessing over the lime green silk of the Queen's dress or the suspense surrounding Meghan's or who each woman was wearing, with no similar reference to any of the men. As if they were worth no more than their appearance, despite immense achievement of both key women. Perhaps fundamentally harmless but also reinforces the importance of female appearance, places aesthetic on a pedestal above intelligence/character and differentiates between male and female and the values associated.

3. Royal Wedding 'giving away'. In fact, 'giving away' as a whole concept.
Perhaps an opportunity to break the mould??? But no. Also, in my opinion, 'giving away' kind of reinforces the engrained and archaic belief that women belong to their male relatives and that, through this ownership, the men of the household have to agree to and initiate their 'release'. Yes its tradition but its (imo) outdated and reinforces subordination.

4. Royal Wedding 'feminism'
I saw this tweet and it pissed me off
"I do sincerely hope the #RoyalWedding encourages girls to strive for more than dickheads who won't text them back, or who think it's okay to play games. You can have your prince, too, when you stop wasting your time on guys like that"
I do sincerely hope that we can teach girls that marrying a prince is not the pinnacle of their achievement, that they are so much more than their partners, that they can achieve without anyone by their side and that life is worth so much more. Its also heteronormative.

5. Clothing
The recent sun has ensued both swarms of men walking around topless, blissfully unaware and confident and comments about girls in shorts. "That's too much", "oh dear", "she shouldn't be wearing that".
These double standards reinforce objectification and sexualisation.

6. What's sexism?
I had this exact conversation in a pub last week. I was drunk and preaching about the inequalities inherent in our society (I'm so fun to be drunk with!) when I was faced with the question "eh, what's sexism?". Fuck. Okay, this isn't actually sexist but its very shocking.

From these examples, I concluded:

• sexism remains prevalent in 2018, no matter how 'covert' and 'subtle
• women remain objectified in mainstream media
• we are still perceived as weak and innocent, despite proving otherwise
• we are often considered entirely in terms of our sexuality 
• symbolically we remain under the ownership of our male relatives
• even those who seek empowerment still see our key role as marriage 
• people (educated, millennial, liberal) still don't know what sexism is 

So I drafted those ideas and thought about the consequences and thought some more then re-wrote and then I was like "fuck". Do these, on a grand scale of global society, matter, when some women have nothing, when some women are experiencing sexism tied up with wider discrimination (for their race, ethnicity, ability, class etc.)? do I have much voice or reason to complain that someone won't let me carry a box? It feels like a sickening display of my privilege, because the above are the only problems I (thankfully) ever face. But,  these also still remain issues. Its problematic that women and girls are judged sexually on their clothing, its an issue that there is a subtext that we are only whole as a duo (and that that duo is most likely male+female), that we are still told we can't do things that we can, that we have to be ceremonially given away by our fathers to our husbands.
But maybe they aren't the most important issues (there's no maybe lol, they aren't).

There are societies far more divided, far more patriarchal, with far fewer legal regulations and protections. Where women are not granted even the most basic human rights.
Globally, in 2017 the average Gender Gap (which measures economic participation and opportunity, educational attainment, health and survival and political empowerment) was at 68% and its going to take 217 years to close this gap. That is fundamentally wrong. But it also highlights that there are issues SO much worse than the ones I noticed. E.g. in Mauritiana it is not required that women and men are paid the same for comparable work and they do not have the same divorce and marriage rights. In June this year, Saudi Arabia only just lifts its ban on women driving. Globally, 19% of all girls are out of school and 15 million girls will never enter a classroom.

Shocking stuff, eh?

SO then I was like shit. The marginal disadvantages or underminings I've experienced/become aware of this week are nothing compared to the global (or even national) struggle.
I come from a position of (pretty much) ultimate privilege. I am white, (relatively) wealthy, educated, middle-class, cis-gendered, non-disabled etc. and therefore haven't really experienced shit.
I started reading about intersectionality (this article) that really made my think about my voice and the issues I complain about/advocate for. It said that the feminist argument is "overly white, middle-class, cis-gendered and able-bodied" and fails to recognise the multi-faceted issues experienced by other women (e.g. race, class, ability, ethnicity) and that they have a layered battle to fight. It also said the 'white feminism' movement (e.g. Women's Hour (*vom*)) "tokenises" others and "usurps" their voice. Which, upon reflection, I understand and can totally see in (some strands) of the movement. I suppose intersectionality is the recognition that the campaign for gender equality is so multi-layered and people experience difference battles for different reasons.

Idk. This post is just a ramble about my thoughts about feminism, sexism, the realisations I've had and some questions about the campaign and way forward.
I did find it interesting how many times I felt undermined or weak or objectified (subtly or not) because of my gender. It made me think about how people who face challenges because of other factors must feel, when its on a larger and far more destructive scale.

So idkkk. I don't want to perpetuate the non-intersectionality present in forms of western feminism by complaining about my (arguably minor–apart from having my vagina groped in a club, thats not minor) experiences but then also want to raise awareness that gender equality still remains a problem.

So tell me, all.
What do you think about advocating for 'smaller' issues when 'larger' ones exist?
Are they worthy of time?
Should we focus on the wider sexist and patriarchal issues instead of the causal experiences?
Does the 'western feminist' movement do good?
How can it be more intersectional?
Should we challenge causal sexism? How? What are your experiences of it, multi-faceted or not?
Are the above issues essentially harmless and just a benign aspect of our society? Am I complaining about nothing?
Do I need to look out for examples where genuine inequality exists? (yes)
Or, do I need to stop being so apologetic and be confident in my assertion that this still isn't good enough?
What solutions do you have for everyday sexism?
Are the above (especially the 'giving away') just benign traditions that are totally harmless or perhaps actually important?

Please tell me your opinions!!! All this has been very interesting but hurt my head a bit because there are so many factors and debates and ideas. All good and important though!