podcasts and music

In order block to the sound of my thoughts and quieten my catastrophising brain, I have been listening to a lot of podcasts, and a bit of music. I usually listen to the radio when I fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up, to keep me informed and aware. But its just too scary at the moment, and I feel too overwhelmed. Perhaps such avoidance is bad, in fact I know such a concrete ban is bad, but I also feel if it gets be through times when my brain feels too scary to even live inside, maybe its okay.

So, this need for noise but avoidance of the news has led me to a few new discoveries. Whilst dreaming of the day a new 'The High Low' episode comes out, I have really enjoyed 'How to Fail' with Elizabeth Day. It interviews a different guest each week and explores the times when their lives haven't gone right. Like all these things, its dependent on the guest you choose, but I have listened to the Andrew Scott episode at least 3 times, and l-o-v-e the most recent episode with Mo Gawdat about Coronavirus anxiety. It's very calming and rationalising, and something I think everyone should take the time to listen to when you feel ready. I am yet to stop irrationally catastrophising and still look at the current situation in a mad blur of 'what ifs', but even just knowing this episode is there as a calm voice of reason is some peace of mind.

I've also, somewhat tragically, been enjoying 'You're Dead to Me', which is an accessible history podcast with an expert and a comedian as guests. Its informative and lighthearted, and has some really interesting topics. It's also a good way to stay semi-intellectually stimulated whilst I avoid my work in the interest of 'self-care'. I've enjoyed the History of Chocolate episode, as well as the Justinian and Theodora episode (because its the coolest period of history).

I came across 'Table Manners with Jessie Ware' the other morning, when I was in a panic after turning on the news, and was looking for something to listen to before I got up. Jessie Ware basically cooks a meal for a celebrity (with the help of her mum) and hosts them in her kitchen. They chat about everything from work to family and I just think its a really nice informal window into people's lives. I somehow think this perhaps has more 'popular' guests (?? i.e. i've never heard of the majority) than How to Fail, but I fuckin' loved the episode with Antoni Porowski, and actually looking through the episode archive she has a whole variety of guests. I'm looking forward to the Deborah Francis White, Dolly Alderton and Sadiq Khan episodes, alongside a load of chefs (e.g. Jamie Oliver, Nigella Lawson...)

My essential sleep time (and day time to be honest) listening has been Headspace. In a panic-induced blur I bought a year subscription, but have since used it everyday. I've been doing a course on how to navigate change (quite apt), and whilst I haven't noticed a miraculous change (its only day 3), when the 15 minutes end I dream to remain in that quiet space for the next 6 months. I also did the 3-minute panic attack on the other day, with my head sticking out my window, and it was perfect to regulate breathing and bring a sense of stability.
But, more than anything, I have been loving the Sleepcasts. My friend introduced them to me on a very hungover night in Toulouse, curled up together as well fell asleep. There are 30 'stories' read by the most calming voices that sort of talk you through an evocative and sensory place. One of my favourites is 'Rainy Day Antiques' but I also really like 'Sandy Cove' and 'Monsoon Hour'. They are long enough to allow me to fall asleep before the end, but also just bring a sense of calm and peace. The sea-sounds also make me dream of the days I can walk on the beach again. Headspace have also released a free series called 'Weathering the Storm', aimed at helping navigate this madness.

Other podcasts I love are Rebelliously Tiny (by @ambivalentlyyours), Desert Island Discs and Getting Curious, each of which serve a different purpose but all offer the calm distraction necessary.
Music-wise, I haven't really been feeling my music recently. I listened to Libby's 2020 playlist o-n-r-e-p-e-a-t at the end of last term, and now it gives me sad and nostalgic feelings. Still some banging tunes though. Embarrassingly, my sister has got me into Harry Styles' new album, which is lighthearted and energetic–everything I am not feeling. I have also, of course, been listening to my usual choral as I work or knit or need to feel some calm. I'm hoping I'll come back round to music, because I could really do with it.

Please let me know any suggestions of listenings, music or otherwise.
And I hope you're all okay, its scary and I am exhausted. I have cried everyday since I came home, and I know that's alright but its also not how I want to be feeling. But no one does.
Peace and love x x