thoughts on nearing the end

Finals do be hard, I haven't got much to say to anyone anymore, and there is a nagging fear of 'after'. 

Alas, there have been some gloriously happy moments; my shower thought this morning was that I can't believe I may never live with these people again, I can't imagine myself a full person without them. 

Let us hope our paths take us in a semi tandem direction next year – although I don't have a single solid plan, and thus have the blissful privilege of being able to ensure this does, in fact, happen. 

Anyway, the days are sort of monotonous – but in a reassuringly stable way. Library, packed lunch with friends on the Broad Street steps, library, coffee, library, maybe some fun. 

I have relished in the freedom to go to the pub, and have concluded that one of the best revision antidotes is a pint in the evening – so I will be continuing this as frequently as necessary, provided my work is done. It's nice to have an incentive.

What else?

I have spent a slightly alarming amount: some gold hoops from Seol + Gold, five 2nd hand pieces from Shop Kilo (inc dungarees – see last post), a hoodie from eBay and the cutest orange sweater vest from a Mind charity shop. Orange feels like good revision energy. 

Other things that have been getting me through include by TT21 revision playlist, runs along the canal, and not really thinking beyond today. 

So honestly, good vibes – if a little stressed. But I did 3 collections last week and they went fine and I think it is going to be okay. 

And finally, I can't quite believe I only have 8 more weeks in this beautiful city, to which I would give my heart if I could. It's going to take a lot of reflection to make peace with this all being over, and I am not ready to part with the view out of my window onto the quad, and the meadows in the evening, and people punting, and the sandstone, and god, just all of it.

I'm not quite ready.

Peace out luvers x

purple hues

Emerging from a two month hiatus; I think this might be the longest drought of writing I have experienced. But its a sunny Easter Sunday, everyone else has gone home and I am too hungover to work. So here we are. 

In those two months I have: 

written my dissertation, which was a saga – but a good one, found lots of new places in Oxford, brought my yellow bike back, not written in my diary once, crocheted 2/3 of a sweater vest, ran fast and far, really enjoyed some new tunes, had a lot of delicious dinners with new people, watched the Ru Paul finale on a projector, lost almost all my uni work from the last three years (then got it back), cycled a lot, drank a lot of tinnies, made an excessive amount of sushi, got a girlfriend, ate a lot of packed lunches in the sun, swam in Port Meadow, perpetually felt guilty about not doing enough work, and anxious about not having a job. My instagram saved and pinterest have been, almost exclusively, knitted sweater vests and dishes I want to cook when I have a kitchen. 

It's been very calm and very fun and also quite stressful, but I wrote 12,000 words on naked early Islamic women, started revision and almost finished another piece of coursework. Can you believe it's nearly all over?

Today I am manifesting a sunny walk, a creme egg, perhaps a run if my hungover body can muster the strength, and indulging in the rest of Crazy Rich Asians. Delightful.

I can't wait for 12th April, mostly to drink a draught cider and to go to a charity shop – I want some garish clothes, and certainly some dungarees. Life has some promise in it at the moment, it feels as if maybe the end is in sight. Thank goodness, what a long nightmare this has been. 

A pointless and narcissistic update, but a break in the silence nonetheless.