lessons learned (and the ones i've got left to learn)

This year has been all about learning. When I was assaulted by a voice that scathed "you can't be doing much in your gap year if you're working here" I took a deep breath and spoke in an internal mantra:
I am learning about myself.
And I am. I've kept a list in my notebook under my bed and have added to it each time I realised something.

things I've learned:
1) people and things are generally neither wholly black nor white, people can do bad things and still be good people. You don't have to like every aspect of a person to like them as a person.
2) bad people can be successful. There was a false preconception in school that something bad = bad consequences for that person (not doing work = cheating = failed exams = bad job). Real life doesn't work like that. Someone can be self-obsessed and ignorant but that might not actually ever hinder them. Its shit but its life.
3) guilt is all consuming and it affects every day life
4) time heals most things
5) society has cultivated an engrained inability to say no. Its dangerous and self-destructive
6) self-motivation is in fact a very difficult thing when there is no end goal
7) adult conversation is actually very banal (i.e hows work, how are the kids, oh i listened to a great programme on radio 4 last night, we get vegetables delivered to our front door???)
8) a lot of money can be wasted very easily on going out, drinking out, eating out
9) friendship can transcend time barriers
10) how to do new things and learn new skills and meet new people and be totally at ease with it
11) paying to live in your own bedroom is depressing but also probably quite a good life skill and teaches valuable money management (lol thanks mum???)
12) school actually wasn't everything and life continues
13) being 18 equates to spending money on things you don't want to and realising that you're parents will probably never take you shopping again
14) opportunities come up that you could never foresee and thats fun and exciting so let it all be
15) living up norf is actually very annoying
16) some people think sex and boys is all that life equates to. Tell them to fuck off.
16) how to create a life and a schedule from nothing and how not to feel lonely with only 1 friend permanently at home
17) that doing my own thing, despite the activities of those around me, was totally for the best and has cultivated so much independence
18) Pre-ing on jager is never a good idea. EVER.
19) people will forever find ways to put you down about your achievement ("humanities are easy" shut the fuck up before i take you down) stand. your. ground.
20) ingrown hairs will forever be the most satisfying things to pull out
21) striped t-shirts are always a good idea and no. you can never have too many.
22) how to eat breakfast at 8 and be hungry for lunch at 10 (because I don't like taking food to work lol)

things i still need to learn
1) a totally healthy relationship with food and exercise
2) how not to cry when I don't have many activities on in a day and be okay with average emptiness (e.g. Sundays)
3) how to control the amount of shit I chat when drunk
4) how to have less self control and let myself go (hmm oxymoronic)
5) the ability to go out for 'casual drinks' and not end up in a club vomiting
6) how to love my body, esp my boobs (lmao does anyone else have a really toxic relationship with their chest?)
7) comparison is the thief of joy
8) to finish the 12 packets of tea in the cupboard before buying any more
9) to sew a top
10) there's a 99% chance my headache does not mean I am dying
11) being in a relationship won't actually solve the internal problems (Josselyn wrote a sick blogpost about this once upon a time. I can't find it but check out her blog anyway.  I feel sad on a weekly basis that she doesnt post anymore)
12) how to take outfit pics
13) how to be open and upfront about myself and my feelings and not let them be buried by everyone else's self-centred-ness

Tell me some of your wisdom. My main goal for this morning was to "not waste time on my laptop and be productive before work". 2 hours later, I've spent the whole thing on my laptop. lol. OH well.
I swear there are some less headsy/internal posts coming up, I broke my camera (by forcing a snapped SD card) so I'm just waiting on its repair!

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  1. things you need to learn number 5 made me lol, and the bit about chatting shit. Loved this post, I love reading these sort of things and also I wish your internal mantra was your external, why are people such dicks about gap years sometimes?? Also, you should never hate living up north because it has made you say Magaluf in a weird yet wonderful way and I love that about you, also I like the fact it makes me seem exiting by having a friend from Newcastle, thanks 4 that xoxo (but in reality, Newcastle is beauts man). also yeS why is being 18 so expensive?? I don't know where half my money is???? Also your learnt number 2, I had that realisation the other day and it's so infuriating but I'm just hoping good things come and I know good things will come your way Katie because you are amazing!! In so many ways!! I hope you get a healthier relationship with food and your bod and your brain and exercise and I think in learning that you need a healthier relationship will help you get one!! Love you!! and your wiseness!! and your upnorthness!!!!!

    1. Hahah thanks for bigging up the North!!! Thank u my love xx

  2. Lmao, loved this. Yes, there's so much to learn but now that I've acc thought about it, you'll probably need to keep doing posts like this until you're old mate because I'm pretty sure there are things we'll find we still need to learn/master right until our last days. That kind of scares me, but also makes me excited for life! AND YES JOSSLYN COME BACK (so glad im not the only one who is upset about this lol) Also, my wisdom: don't be afraid of being messy, of making mistakes!! Embrace the impermanence of things. Literally force yourself to say the words "I love myself" more. (Think about how much you say it to others, seriously. The words fly out of our mouths so easily to others but are insidiously hard to say to ourselves). Remember your worth! (You're beaut, intelligent, hard-working), sending ya love! xxxxxx

    1. YES! for sure, there's something quite reassuring about that though–that you'll always be learning new things and can look back on even just a month before and realise how much you've grown. I for sure need to learn to do that <3

  3. girl u ALWAYS have the best posts i love this!! #13 on things u've learn is the actual struggle n why i am forever wishing someone would just buy me shampoo n toothpaste for once so i don't have to spend my own money on it. n #5 for things u need to learn is also A BIG MOOOOOD idk how i always end up there, mayb we'll stop eventually n learn the secret

    a fucking look

    1. hahah thanks Madison!! for real though, is there anything more annoying?? Honestly, I don't know but we definitely need to learn because no adult can be going for 'casual work drinks' and end up in the state I end up in hahah

  4. Firstly, you look so cute in the pic I actually am in luv w u!!
    SO many of these posts are so relatable and true, especially the things I need to learn like basically everything on the list. I'm so guilty for #3 #5 #6 but either way having fun and becoming confident is so important so oh well!

  5. hahah thank u!!<3 I guess its all just part of growing up and learning boundaries???

  6. This is nice!of course everyone of us has its learning experience. We should just learned from it.

  7. Cheers, good thing you change and learned from your mistake


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