change


A song just came on that transported me to summer 2015 nd it sort of hurt a bit idk. That summer was good. Life felt more stable and secure than it does now. None of this life change shit. Maybe I'd like to go back to being 15 for a while.
Change is weird. I crave change, need it on a regular basis to still find excitement in life. I get bored easily and spontaneity and messed up routines offers spark and fulfilment. But when its a change in a person or a change in something you loved or something you relied on to see you through the hard times
idk man, that's tough.
You realise that nothing is the same as it used to be. It never will be. And you've spent the past 10 months of tears and fatigued fun dreaming of the relax to normality. And you understand that that can never happen. People change and I know its a good thing and I know its growth and its empowering for them and imagine if we never changed?? but it also generates a pining homesickness of the past.
Take me back to the good times.
And maybe we'll learn to exist in our new found worlds. We'll find new patterns and new laughs but right now it just feels like a harkening back to the past that isn't really there.

But big change is coming too. Moving away, starting uni, meeting new people, adopting independence, settling back into education after a year out, leaving my jobs and volunteering and the people I've met, losing the routine I spent the year fostering, having to actually look after myself all the time, being hours away from home and no longer in the city that sells vodka trebles for £2.
And this is good and its so exciting and fuck am I ready for friends and company and young people. This year has been lonely (but also very good and fun!) and I've spent a lot of time only own nd its been an experience but I sure am ready to spend less time in my head and do more stuff as a collective.

Change is scary and sad when you see you're no longer as compatible with the people you love. Its sad when you remember your lives used to exist in shared experiences and that is no longer. Its sad when you understand that this is the fundamental trajectory.
But its exciting when you remember this change is coming for you. When you know newness is on the horizon. When you have intangible expectations and thats a good thing.

How do you all feel about change? How do you cope with it? How can you embrace it?

1 comment

  1. I feel like change is so complex, I feel like it is necessary and you will crave it but when the time actually comes for everything to change it's scary and you want everything to stay the same forever. I feel like change is going to be good though as without change we wouldnt be able to meet new people, find new places and discover new things we love!!
    http://sputniksweetheartn.blogspot.com.au/

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