Dear 2015,
Another one done, crossed off, completed.
My how fast you flew by, allowing little time to breathe and relax and what feels like no opportunity to find peace.
You were always going to present challenges and obstacles, I was expecting that and I suppose, looking back as the final curtain draws, you were good.
Things I expected to push me to the very edge were actually where I found most happiness and friendship-I can do it again, you remind me.
The New year invited a gold tinted memory, a morning sunset at the beach and, ridiculously and ashamedly, the beginning of revision. Dark nights growing shorter with the promise of summer, days spent in pyjamas working away. You brought my favourite book in the month of February which I ran home to read, my first gig and a night trip to Edinburgh. One of my favourite days spent with Alice doing our usual café crawl goes down in fond memory.
Spring is always the perfect season, bright crisp mornings, hopes that better things are on their way and March continued much like the others. Along with many other months, I spent it in failed attempts to run and get outside, choosing to spend my hours blogging and writing. I began my first attempt at a longer story which, almost a year on, is still ticking on. (Future self: Look at "Pick a country"-I hope you've thought of a name).
I look back over the months of March and April with happiness, although they were tainted with the stress and panic that appears to have ___ this whole year, I felt stable and as though there were some vague ideas of what I was doing. A repeated highlight was of course the annual trip to Southwold, a place where I feel at home and yearn to spend everyday. I remember you brought some good reads that I look back on, desperate to find something similar. A new experience of Go-Karting which, after a panic about the helmet, was exceptionally fun and I hope to repeat.
May, you brought the realisation that what I knew was coming to the end, that I was growing up and things were "getting serious". Although you saw the beginning of exams, remember, I did rather enjoy these weeks. Everyone working together, a sense of support, and, although the tears exams brought, part of me rather enjoyed them (yes). I poured every last ounce into my textiles coursework which, thank goodness, I came out with full marks in.
June began with the worst exams of all but you epitomised at the height of adolescent summer. Nights spent with the warmth of both summer and alcohol running through our veins, dancing so hard because really, we had nothing to loose. The last day of school as we knew it, a lunchtime doing what felt like family portraits that I look back at with eternal love, and of course Prom, which I go into more detail about here. One of those memories, so simple but so happy, is lying in a best friends conservatory, laughing and talking until we saw the rise of the next days sun, thinking what is the point of sleeping.
I got dragged away into the bliss of summer and my days dwindled away, spent watching Wimbledon, colouring, evenings in the park, adventures, exploring abandoned buildings, laughs, parties, BBQ's. A picnic with Alice which, once again if you are reading this, makes me jolly happy to look back on.
You, 2015, did however bring a feeling of pressure. "I should be having fun, shouldn't be spending precious moments alone not really doing much". You didnt allow me to enjoy it as I thought I should, I was expected to spend 12 weeks partying and laughing and not spend one second alone. I suppose this is the cause of my lack of peace. I did make new friends, adding to our growing group and sensed a drift in our tight 4 piece pact.
There were some amazing moments however, a trip camping with my best friends, Edinburgh festival, evenings at the beach, a holiday in Scotland, an attempt up Ben Nevis, a visit from Maddie, adventures in London but I felt so much
expectation. Summer closed with a group trip to Durham and then the funniest evening at various parties.
And since then life has been much the same, a repeat of work, expectation, failure and this bloody pressure I cannot relieve. I have submersed myself fully in A-levels, working too hard and constricting myself too much. I did thoroughly enjoy watching the Rugby World Cup which has to be one of my guilty pleasures. I even managed to begin running before school-finally. Alas, the chill of Autumn did bring new adventures, my first flight alone (well, without a parent) which has to be my greatest achievement of the year along with a truly harrowing trip, a bedroom revamp to kickstart my motivation, a visit to Brighton and a slow slide into Christmas...and many other memories that drift away into a haze of contentment.
2015, you close with a sense of slight unease-a repeat of the pressures of summer, fears of friendships and exams and surpassing expectations.
But you have been good.
I have adventured and laughed and partied and cried and stressed and loved but it will go down in memory.
Thank you 2015, its been a roller coaster but we are rolling into the 16th with anticipation.
Please be good.
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Currently: Listening:--//Reading:The Reluctant Fundamentalist//Loving: Being off school//Lusting: Dungarees
***apologies if this post is kinda moany and annoying-its for my personal reflection on one of my solemn evenings when I get real nostalgic lol
