Loving


  






















...And some words:

"Stop this incessant worrying that I cannot be loved as I am"-Anais Nin

"Lick the envelope.
Cross your ts and join
the dots, scribble and
splash outside the lines.
Post a pick me up through
a stranger's door, seek
out the mail that never
made it home. Write.
Write because the pen is
mightier than the sword.
Because you are here.
Make your mark"

"If only given a minute or two as our last minute or two to spill it all and say the final fragmented and fractured last words to each other, without pause or stutter for reflection I know we would both remain still and completely silent for despite all the beautiful words we could find to share through the streams down these cheeks, we have never needed them. A glance, a stare, and all things would be said. Hands on faces and fingers wrapped in fingers and our last words would not be words at all"-Tyler Knott Gregson

"The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for and the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof"-Barbara Kingsolver

All the pics can be found on my pinboard here.

I hope this fires some inspiration in you all, I love finding lil bits like this and writing them down or saving them.

Instagram

Books: Hauling, reading and reviewing


It has been a while since I spoke soley about books and I figured I had a fair few to talk about, some I have read, others I have bought. I went into Waterstones the other day and came out with 2 books for £1.98-result.

Hauled:

The Primrose Path-Rebecca Griffiths
"Sarah D'Villez famously escaped a man who abducted and held her hostage for 11 days. Her case became notorious. Now, seventeen years later, that man is about to be released from prison. fearful of the media storm that is sure to follow, Sarah decides to flee to rural Wales under a new identity, telling nobody where she's gone"
Settling into the small community she is now part of, Sarah soon realises that someone is watching her. Someone who seems to know everything about her"

I love thrillers and this sounded quick paced and exciting. Probably not the most perfect of literary craftsmanship but a good holiday read none the less.

The Girl With All The Gifts- M. R Carey

"Every morning, Melanie waits in her cell tone collected for class. When they come for her, Sergeant Parks keeps the gun pointing at her while two of his people strap her into the wheelchair. She thinks they don't like her. She jokes that she won't bite. But they don't laugh"

It sounds like it is written from an interesting perspective and is sizeably long which means it will last me a while on holiday. It also had raving reviews ("If you only read on novel this year, make sure its this one") and sounded interesting and unique.

Night Owls-Jenn Bennett

"Crap. He was definitely checking me out. What should I do? Earth to Beatrix. This was the night bus, not a journey song.  Two strangers were not on a midnight train going anywhere.
Meeting Jack on the Owl-San Francisco's night bus- turns Beatrix's world upside down. Jack is charming, wildly attractive and possibly one of San Francisco's most notorious graffiti artists.
But Jack is hiding a piece of himself. On midnight rides and city rooftops, Beatrix begins to see who this enigmatic boy really is.
A unique and profoundly moving novel, Night Owls will linger in your memory long after the final page"

I have finished this but we will get onto my review later on. I picked this up because I was in dire need of a trashy romance, something you can flick through uber quick that doesn't require too much thinking. It sounded light hearted and just the sort of thing I was looking for.

Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children-Ransom Riggs

"A mysterious island. An abandoned orphanage. A strange collection of curious photographs.
A horrific family tragedy sets sixteen-year-old Jacob journeying to a remote island off the coast of Wales where he discovers the crumbling ruins of Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children. As Jacob explores its abandoned bedrooms and hallways, it becomes clear the that the children were more than just peculiar. They may have been quarantined on a desert island for a good reason. And somehow-impossible thought it seems-they may still be alive"

Again, this sounds exciting and unusual, I don't know what to expect but I feel that's the best way to approach a book.

Read:

Night Owls-**

I should have known, reading over the blurb, that this book would be the same as every other trashy romance I have read (which I am actually a fan of, but after the 17th book with sexy artistic mysterious guys and misfit girls, I wanted to vom-E.g: "Someone bumped my arm, and my portfolio flew from my hand (of course it did) My bad, I thought you saw me" A jacket bent over in front of me and picked up my portfolio. When the jacket stood back up, it grew arms and legs and a face that probably competed with Helen of Troy's in the ship-launching department").
Some of the ideas I didn't agree with (there was a strange comment on makeup) and, although it was sex positive (consent etc) there were some attitudes towards a virginal 18 year old that seemed a bit uneasy. It was unrealistic and predictable, they were head-over-heels swooning after meeting each other on the bus which, from the experience I and others I know have endured, doesn't happen all that often.
I was frustrated at the ease of their love, I increasing think novels such as these put unrealistic pressure on relationship expectations.
It also highlighted utter dependency on the male character-an almost life or death scenario.
When will someone write a YA about not needing someone for fulfilment?
Maybe I'm cynical (maybe??!) and I did pick up a romance but I thought it was predictable and totally unrealistic.
An enjoyable and quick read but after 200 pages, I was bloody sick of perfect love.
(for clarification, not everything in the characters lives was perfect and I think the other topics (schizophrenia, divorce, sexuality (I liked how casually they had a gay character, like that was so not a main aspect of the book)) were dealt with really effectively)

The Go Between-LP Hartley-****

I adored this book, as I knew I would.
It is set in Summer and, as it was sunny as I read it, it felt extra special. I love the naive view point and how innocent the protagonist is. At first, it seems like the perfect summer but, because the narrator is so naive, you can see all these sinister activities taking place around him. It made me laugh and cry, I finished it heartbroken at the advantageous attitudes towards Leo.
If I read it again, I think I would pick up on all the hidden metaphors and symbols but I was so engrossed in the story, I didn't really think about it.
I am considering doing this for my A-Level lit coursework so I will definitely be reading it again.

Eventide-Kent Haruf-****

Again, I book that I fell in love with.
Kent Haruf is loved in my family, this is the second one of the trilogy. They follow everyday small town life in Holt, Colorado and are so heart breaking and show all different aspects of all different people in society.
I think I preferred this one to Plainsong, it was quite dark but highlighted utter humanity and the true kindness of some people. You feel you get to know the characters so well as they are presented as totally real and I love how it follows several different stories that eventually weave together in everyday subtle ways.
I was given the third and final one (Benediction) for my birthday and will definitely take it on holiday with me.

The Fallen Idol-Graham Greene-***

I found this chilling sinister but perfect for a comparison with The Go Between. It discusses utter naivety and innocence but also the manipulation of children, very similar to TGB. Both present adults that use children and get them involved in their personal problems, having a detrimental affect on the children.
This is super short but quick paced and very metaphorical, to the point where you aren't always 100% sure what is happening.

Reading;

Wide Sargasso Sea-Jean Rhys

Again, another one for school but I am actually quite enjoying this. It is short (121 pages) which makes it very appealing and has already provided me with some ideas that I had not previously contemplated (the attitudes of the emancipated slaves towards white people in places such as Jamaica).
The blurb reads: this mesmerising work introduces us to Antoinette Cosway, a sensual and protected young women who is sold into marriage to the prideful Mr Rochester. Rhys portrays Cosway admist a society so driven by hatred, so skewed in its sexual relations, that it can literally drive a woman out of her mind.
I don't imagine that this is going to have a positive ending and it is already dark mayhem however it is easy to read and is making me think.
I read somewhere that this text covers themes of Obsession and Possession which I am also considering for coursework in conjunction with Lolita.

If you were looking for a book to read, hopefully I have provided you with some inspiration.
What books have people been reading recently?

Exercising Creativity

In an interview I carried out with Alice for my Other Minds series, I said that she was "at one with her creativity". By this I meant she could peacefully be creative without feeling the guilt that I feel.
I have been creative my whole life, reorganising and decorating my room, drawing outfits, sewing bags-I spent every hour doing something that let my imagination run wild.
The pressures of school forced me into a bland, square box, no creativity just productivity. After revision consumed every second of my day, I didn't know what to do with myself.
"Do some painting" mum said, "But that has no use, its pointless" was always my reply.
I have been forcing myself, ever since, to be creative, to remind myself of the joy I used to get out of it. That the final product doesn't matter, its the process, the way it makes you feel.
My friends have all been away this past week and I have been entertaining myself with an array of artistic pathways.

On this day, it was bliss. I had The Breakfast Club on , my paints out and a large cup of tea next to me.



My favourite arty things to do are:
  1. Collaging
  2. Journalling (because this combines everything)
  3. Painting (but always filling in someone else's picture or just colours because I can't paint for shit)
  4. Colouring (I love the Secret Garden colouring book and the online Rookie pages)
  5. Writing
  6. Collaging on my laptop
  7. Photography
It never fails to relax me and take my mind away to a more peaceful place-that can only be a good thing right?
Slowly slowly I am feeling less of the guilt and more just enjoying the doing. School will whip around and it will probably zap all that inspiration out of me again.
Oh well.


OTHER MINDS



After gathering inspiration from various different 'zines and deciding to finally channel my inner journalist-dreams (I think?), I came upon the idea of a series such as this:
An online collection of raw and real answers from people I find inspiring/interesting.
It will (hopefully) be based upon a myriad of themes, a different 'interview' for a different theme; identity, inspiration, fears, challenges, body image etc.
The series will be in conjunction with this blog but the organisation-craving me wanted it all to be housed in a separate place (link here but it will also be linked at the top)

Expect vulnerability and truth washed down with a bit of light heartedness and (fingers crossed) some relatable anecdotal writing.

I have just posted my first interview with Maddie Mills about identity-please go and give it a read!

Who knows where this will evolve but any suggestions for themes etc would be greatly appreciated

Adventuring






























I have just returned from 3 days spent in Nice with my good friend Maddie.
We had such a lovely time relaxing and tanning and photographing and walking and talking and eating and doing all the things that make a holiday great.
I didn't have the thrill of independence that I had had from other holidays alone but I think that that made it better-it made it relaxed and meant we could take advantage of the scenery and culture.
I practised a fair amount of French and submersed myself in a country that I love more and more every time I go.
We visited the memorial of the attacks that took place the week previous. It was incredibly emotional but otherwise the city had returned to 'normal', with just the armed police for evidence of the tensions.
Highlights include the glorious sun, lying on the beach reading Rookie (so worth the hassle of dragging it on the plane), sitting in the evening sun on the balcony, the Musee Marc Chagall, the views from the headland walk we did and Place Rosetti in the evening where we retreated-but it was all pretty super.

I hope you enjoyed the photos (I took waay too many as usual)

pages/sites ima lovin'





I have come across some [web] pages and sites recently that I am desperate to share, for their imparting wisdom or just blummin' beauty.
Maybe you'll feel inspired and creative too.

General sites I've been loving:
Rookie mag
Kiloran mag
Plasma dolphin
The messy heads
Noors Place
A pair & a spare (specifically for DIY)
Teenapes
The things the books forgot
Lauryn's notebook

More specific pages:
How to hang out solo and not feel weird about it: (this is good for me because all my bestest pals are currently in Ecuador for 16 days  so ima need some entertainment)
5 things to make with clay
An ode to teenage girls
Femme-entrailles (some funky french self empowerment)
Collage kit
DIY off-the shoulder top

If anyone has any other suggestions of pages/blogs/sites, leave them below!

Twitter - Bloglovin - Instagram

Milk and Honey (and tears)

After pining for this book for what feels like forever, much to my delight, I received it for my birthday.
I have followed Kaur's posts on Pinterest and marvelled at their poignant artistry but I was unprepared for the book.
Its raw, explicit beauty and the craft at which she constructs such fiercely excruciating poems left me reading it with tears down my face.

The blurb reads:
"This is the journey
of surviving through poetry
this is the blood sweat tears
of twenty one years
this is my heart
in your hands
this is
the hurting
the loving
the breaking
the healing"

She has poured what feels like every ounce of herself and her story into something so beautiful yet horrific, some of which will make you squirm with discomfort others, that will fill your heart with power and fire.

Along with most poems are illustrations drawn by her which are equally heart rendering.

I urge you to read this book, the digital versions are good but, with the book, you feel you are holding the delicacy of her whole life in the sheets of paper.

As a taster,  here are two of my favourites:

"i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete
i could light a whole city
and then
i want to have you
cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire"

"i want to apologise to all the women
i have called pretty
before i've called them intelligent or brave
i am sorry i made it sound as though
something as simple as what you are born with
is the most you have to be proud of when your
spirit has crushed mountains
from now on i will say things like
you are resilient or you are extraordinary 
not because i don't think you are pretty
but because you are so much more than that"

Check out Rupi Kaur's website here

Currently





Listening: Tom Odell-Wrong Crowd and last night I listened to Tom Rosenthal which threw me back to January mocks-ew

Reading: The Go-Between, L.P Hartley-its super summery and I am thoroughly enjoying it (after it sat on my shelf for 2 years)-"It is the story of the loss of innocence, a loss so shattering and profound that it breeds a lasting mistrust on life"

Eating: Nectarines and probs too much brownie

Drinking: Last night, we drank Pimms in the freezing cold with blankets, pretending it was acutally JULY

Been doing: Too many open day's, too much travelling (5 trains in one day-no thanks), spending too much money, partying to celebrate all the July birthday's, thinking about summer, stressing about the future (as always) and not having much time to think

Procrastinating from: My history essay that I really don't want to do-the worst part is, I actually have 3

Loving: Instagram, specifically taking pics for Instagram (follow me 'ere-insta) and partying with my pals

Lusting: A bardot top, some Birkenstoks and for summer to hurry up

Writing: Seeing as it is my birthday on Saturday, I'll probably do some kind of 16 round up-I feel like I left being 16 ages ago and it sounds so young-but I'd be happy to stay here for the rest of my life. Also, considering beginning a novella but I need ideassss

Excited for: holidaysss