pages/sites ima lovin'

I have come across some [web] pages and sites recently that I am desperate to share, for their imparting wisdom or just blummin' beauty.
Maybe you'll feel inspired and creative too.

General sites I've been loving:
Rookie mag
Kiloran mag
Plasma dolphin
The messy heads
Noors Place
A pair & a spare (specifically for DIY)
Teenapes
The things the books forgot
Lauryn's notebook

More specific pages:
How to hang out solo and not feel weird about it: (this is good for me because all my bestest pals are currently in Ecuador for 16 days  so ima need some entertainment)
5 things to make with clay
An ode to teenage girls
Femme-entrailles (some funky french self empowerment)
Collage kit
DIY off-the shoulder top

If anyone has any other suggestions of pages/blogs/sites, leave them below!

Twitter - Bloglovin - Instagram

Milk and Honey (and tears)

After pining for this book for what feels like forever, much to my delight, I received it for my birthday.
I have followed Kaur's posts on Pinterest and marvelled at their poignant artistry but I was unprepared for the book.
Its raw, explicit beauty and the craft at which she constructs such fiercely excruciating poems left me reading it with tears down my face.

The blurb reads:
"This is the journey
of surviving through poetry
this is the blood sweat tears
of twenty one years
this is my heart
in your hands
this is
the hurting
the loving
the breaking
the healing"

She has poured what feels like every ounce of herself and her story into something so beautiful yet horrific, some of which will make you squirm with discomfort others, that will fill your heart with power and fire.

Along with most poems are illustrations drawn by her which are equally heart rendering.

I urge you to read this book, the digital versions are good but, with the book, you feel you are holding the delicacy of her whole life in the sheets of paper.

As a taster,  here are two of my favourites:

"i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete
i could light a whole city
and then
i want to have you
cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire"

"i want to apologise to all the women
i have called pretty
before i've called them intelligent or brave
i am sorry i made it sound as though
something as simple as what you are born with
is the most you have to be proud of when your
spirit has crushed mountains
from now on i will say things like
you are resilient or you are extraordinary 
not because i don't think you are pretty
but because you are so much more than that"

Check out Rupi Kaur's website here

Currently

Listening: Tom Odell-Wrong Crowd and last night I listened to Tom Rosenthal which threw me back to January mocks-ew

Reading: The Go-Between, L.P Hartley-its super summery and I am thoroughly enjoying it (after it sat on my shelf for 2 years)-"It is the story of the loss of innocence, a loss so shattering and profound that it breeds a lasting mistrust on life"

Eating: Nectarines and probs too much brownie

Drinking: Last night, we drank Pimms in the freezing cold with blankets, pretending it was acutally JULY

Been doing: Too many open day's, too much travelling (5 trains in one day-no thanks), spending too much money, partying to celebrate all the July birthday's, thinking about summer, stressing about the future (as always) and not having much time to think

Procrastinating from: My history essay that I really don't want to do-the worst part is, I actually have 3

Loving: Instagram, specifically taking pics for Instagram (follow me 'ere-insta) and partying with my pals

Lusting: A bardot top, some Birkenstoks and for summer to hurry up

Writing: Seeing as it is my birthday on Saturday, I'll probably do some kind of 16 round up-I feel like I left being 16 ages ago and it sounds so young-but I'd be happy to stay here for the rest of my life. Also, considering beginning a novella but I need ideassss

Excited for: holidaysss

HOW TO: Journalling

A summer project of mine has/will be creating a journal. Heavily inspired by Pinterest, it will be a documentation of-well everything. I'm an absolute novice in this area but spent hours collaging etc as a child.
I thought I would include some pictures of my journal so far and provide some links/ideas to get you started-but its a personal thing so take yours in whatever direction you wish.
I've only just started so its neither that long nor creative but I'll keep y'all updated on my subsequent pages.

My pages so far:

• Plans 'n' Ideas for the summer
• Books to read
• Films to watch
• Summer Cafe Project (rating all the cafes I visit)
• Several diary entries
• Quotes/collages

Materials you will need to begin a journal:

• A notebook-I stuck to a very simple exercise book, I don't know where this is from but you can pick up similar almost anywhere
• Scissors, glue, magazines, colouring pencils, a printer (always useful), washi tape, paper clips, stickers, labels, printed pics from Pinterest, Tumblr, Instagram, fabric, photos, paint brushes, post cards, souvenirs (train tickets etc) etc-basically any art materials
• Many summer hours to waste

There is inspiration for such journals E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E-here are a few that I used:

• Here
• Here
• Here
• Here
• Here

There are also sites and online ideas to put in your journal such as:

• 100 ideas from Keri Smith (who wrote Wreck this Journal)
• Websites to help you (mostly from Rookie mag-these people have a lot more experience than I)
• Online stickers to be printed out (I printed mine onto sticker paper which seems like a pointless luxury but is actually so useful-you could always just glue them too!)
• Online font creator-maybe not that useful but using mixed mediums is always good

Future ideas:

• Bakes? (the cakes etc that I make over summer and beyond?)
• Many more diary entries
• Photo collages
• An EU referendum diary entry (because LORD do I have a shit tonne to say on that topic)
• Current pinterest likes
• Places I've been 
• Conversations heard
• Interviews with people (like friends)

I have been meaning to do more journalling over this weekend but to be honest I have been so busy and on a literal emotional roller coaster. 

Thursday was spent feeling relatively confident but angry about the lack of opportunity for 16-17's in voting, Thurs night my stomach dropped when the first results came in and I stayed up all friggin' night crying with a deep sense of fear. 

Friday-exhausted and terrified, messaging friends at 5am then catching a coach to York (spent journey discussing how screwed we are, looking at graphs of how the pound dropped in 5 mins) then shock about Cameron resigning. York uni was isolated but a nice campus situated around a lake. History with a year abroad sounded fantastic and so did politics. Met up with a friend we met in Lille for lunch and had a mini lecture about the Brexit which was interesting. Introduced idea of second referendum and highlighted the manipulation of Johnson on the British population. Stress on the coach home then a speedy get ready to go to a  party where there was the usual friend-boy drama and tears stirred up by drunkness. A taxi ride home squeezing a friends hand as I thought I was gonna vom (side note: there's this thing in Newcastle where vomitting from being too drunk is called yt-ing, I don't know why but it seems a very apt title). Tensions between friends as they all stayed over at mine and a morning spent with minimal communication.

Saturday, hung over but spent the whole day out then the evening babysitting. 

So finally, a breath. 

As you can see, I care ALOT about the EU referendum and its a massive deal in the UK, esp amongst the 16-25's.
SO yeah-Try journalling-its great and you can document crazy times like explained above.

I'll do regular updates of how my journalling is going and if anyone else does it, send me pics!

May

I feel like May would be one of my favourite months. I say would because I never really get to experience it as its always when exams are. That also explains why there are two weeks missing from this months edit. 

01-05-16//Bank Holiday

05-05-16/Celebrating not dying in french (exam)

06-05-16//An acrobatic thing we went to called 'Tipping Point'

07-05-16//Tulips in the garden

08-05-16

09-05-16/This essay felt like a never ending battle

10-05-16//Smoothie-ing

11-05-16

12-05-16//An angry picture of my face with its many many blemishes (I don't usually care about spots but I remember this day they were really getting me down)-my eyes are also bloodshot and I'm clearly not very happy about having to go to school

13-05-16//Spring light

14-05-16//Lunchhh

15-05-16

*THEN EXAMS HAPPENED*

27-05-16//I told you my room resembled  squat

28-05-16//We drove to my grans and it was actually sunny

28-05-16//We baked cakes for the open garden

29-05-16//fleurs

May was a pretty crap month tbh-too many exams and too much stress
How was everyone else's may's (yh it was ages ago I know lol)

Happiness: the pursuit

I have been thinking a lot about happiness, its pressures and expectations.
There is a certain expectation that happiness is a destination that once you reach, develops a permanance. That for life to be fulfilled, you must be happy.
This has put a significant amount of pressure on my thoughts recently.
Take summer, the expectation that summer holidays will be the epitome of happiness, out everyday, enjoying the freedom.
But this expectation is rarely reality. Like every other week in your life, there are days of pure happiness and there are days where you are lost and low.
I believe it is this expectation of happiness, that nothing else is sufficient, that is causing my panic and stress about summer and relaxing. When you are revising or working, you have no headspace to think about the happiness you need to be feeling.
I do also believe that social media fuels this need for happiness.
No one posts their shitty days. The days where they've been locked out in the rain with a broken bike and no phone or where everything they do seems to go wrong.
Social media is reserved for excitement and adventure and subsequently is a deathly reminder of the fun we should be having when we are in actual fact lying in bed reading.
Here's some interesting stuff that I have read/listened to recently about happiness.

"I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that- I don't mind people being happy-but that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society which is a fear of sadness. Its a really odd thing that now we are seeing people say "write down three things that made you happy today before you go to sleep", and "cheer up" and "happiness is our birthright" and so on. We're kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position. It's rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfilment are nice little things that also happen to us but they don't teach us much. everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say "Quick. Move on! Cheer up!". I'd like just for a year to have a moratorium of the word happiness and replace it with wholeness. Ask yourself, "is this contributing to my wholeness?" and if you are having a bad day, it is"-Hugh Mackay

This speaks for itself but the main thing I gain from it is acceptance that it is okay to have a bad day. We avoid the bad days, never talk about them and pretend they aren't happening but this reminds us that it is part of who we are.

"Of course it does. Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for misery. And, of course, stability isnt nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none o the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal over throw by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand"-Aldous Huxley

Also, the TED radio hour podcast called 'Headspace'.
 Its fascinating but the main point I picked up was the idea that happiness is the opposite of depression and that in actual fact it should be vitality. That we should strive to live a life of vitality rather than one of happiness.
Definite food for thought.

What are your ideas of happiness? If you have any different ideas, let me know-I love a discussion.

Currently: Doing: Writing this blogpost in bed-oh the luxury of a holiday//Loving: Creativity//Lusting: To not be getting ill

Things are achangin': Inspiration

This has nothing to do wit tha post but I thought it was thought provoking and sinister--source: ici

This will be long and jumbled because that's just my style.
I came to the conclusion that in exams (all of my subjects include at least some form of essay writing) my technique is to write as much as possible and hope I will eventually hit the spot. I wrote 17 sides in my history exam.
This has two downsides:
1) My handwriting is subsequently appalling
2) It doesn't show much talent other than I can write really fucking fast
I digress.
A story seems the most appropriate way to approach this.
I was lying in bed after spending a night drinking too much peach schnapps, going to sleep far too late then going on a 5am adventure. Sober and not so sleep deprived me probably would not have done the adventure.
SO, I could justify lying in bed the whole freakin day.
Another friend suggested to me...Oh man this is going to get so confusing.
Basically, I was exploring the Rookie Mag*** website.
And I felt this overwhelming sense of direction and inspiration and excitement.
I haven't had that in so long.
It is completely my thing: creativity combined with journalism combined with nostaligic adolescent coming of age-ness. That vein of thing has areas to learn, expand, work and grow and thats just what I want.
I'm not saying that I'm abandoning A-levels and going to write for Rookie because that is mighty unrealistic but it might actually be a glimmer of something I would want to do in the future.
What? Yes, I might not be so lost.
And so I've sort of began to realise in this 10 hour epiphanic period that seems to have motivated me to change my life, my A-levels are probably wrong and irrelevant (melodramatic me talking-they will be useful) and not the be all and end all.
But I can't give up on those because failure, fears, expectation tings (post here)
*breathes-I can assure you that that above paragraph would have been said in one breath*
SO to my blog/online diary/space
I'm gonna revamp, change the direction.
Abandon the beauty because its just not me and the narcissistic hauls and take on a Rookie-inspired (inspired but my own thang) direction.
Diaries, travel stuff, quotes, inner thoughts, ideas for y'all, some writing/poems/stories, book stuff.
A platform for my head and other people to contribute. Ideally, maybe one day in the distant future, I would love love love to make my own online magazine. But that will take years of time and practice.

Yes. This is so much more me.
If you're game for that, then stick around.

Currently: Listening: Tom Odell-Wrong Crowd//Reading: The Sisters Brothers-Patrick deWitt//Loving: Being inspired and having friends and things to look forward//Lusting: Sunshine (pls)
***In my eyes, Rookie is an online magazine (they've got year books too) that is like a haven for teenagers (but not in a cringey way) to write about anything. They have themes each month and so much content and its so bloody aesthetic. Check out Rookie, because man that place is where I belong.

***I might still talk a lil' about some basic beauty but not in the 'I totally know what I am doing' and 'This is all I know' kinda way

Written diary: An adventure

A peaceful and invigorating (seems sort of oxymoronic?) adventure planned at 11:30pm the night previous. Travelled to a seasidey village on the train about 30 miles from home and spent the lavliest of days eating ice creams (despite the nausea) and feeling the warm(!) sand between our toes and paddling in the freezing northern sea and doing yoga and chatting and reading and sunbathing and discussing how perfect the day was.
It really was.
It wasn't anything that significant or exciting but it felt adventurous and out of the ordinary and aren't those memories always the best?
We returned with red faces (admittedly, we did not anticipate such sunny weather), sandy shoes and a happy sense of freedom.
I hope for many more of these days.
*I have tried to do a video diary of this day which will be more interesting as I was more focused on videoing but we'll see what happens to that*

Currently: Listening: Nought new//Reading: The Sisters Brothers//Loving: friends, beaches not being at school or having exams//Lusting: not much-maybe more days like this?

p.s, in random news I've found a word that sums my feelings up sometimes...

Ennui: noun: a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement..